As an unpaid carer, who takes care of you?

It can be hugely rewarding to care for another person, but it can also be very challenging and take a significant toll on your own physical and emotional wellbeing.

Unpaid voluntary carers often set aside their own needs and wellbeing to focus on those of the person they care for. It’s understandable, but it’s also dangerous. As a carer you need to recognise how you’re feeling too, and when the time comes to ask for help.

Many people who routinely look after someone else don’t even think of themselves as a ‘carer’, because it’s done out of love, not as a paid job. That’s especially the case if the person they look after is a close family member – an elderly parent, a husband, wife or child.

The fact is, if you routinely help another person in their day-to-day life and that person would struggle to cope without your help, then you qualify as a ‘carer’ and are entitled to some help yourself. The definition of ‘care’ is very broad, but could include:

• cooking meals or providing food for someone
• helping out with household jobs, such as cleaning or doing laundry
• helping someone to get washed or dressed, or to use the toilet
• making sure they take medication on time and have access to appropriate medical care
• taking them to medical or other important appointments
• helping them keep in touch with family and friends to prevent loneliness and social isolation.

When you committed to your husband, wife or life partner, you probably pledge to care for them ‘in sickness and in health’, but that doesn’t mean you have to do it all on your own. If you become their carer too, it can be a full-time commitment and you mustn’t be afraid to ask for help.

It’s the same if you care for a more distant relative, friend or neighbour on a less frequent basis. It can also be tiring, time-consuming and costly, especially if you regularly travel some distance to provide unpaid care.

The first step to accessing help is often to accept that you are a ‘carer’ and that, as such, you’re entitled to that help. The kind of help available will probably vary depending on where you live, but it could include:

• appropriate training to help you carry out your caring duties
• a formal assessment of the unpaid care you’re providing, including what types of support you might need to keep doing it
• financial assistance to help cover the cost of the care you provide
• information and guidance about other practical help or welfare benefits you or the person you care for might be entitled to
• mobility equipment, disability aids or home adaptations to help with your caring
• respite care, letting you take a regular break from you caring duties to recharge your batteries.

If you’re an unpaid carer and nobody in authority knows about it, then it’s unlikely you’ll get the help you need and are entitled to. That’s why it’s vital that you ask for help when you need it.

One thing you must do is speak to your own doctor. Let them know you’re a carer and ask them to make a note of it on your medical records. Your doctor should be able to signpost any resources for carers in your area, or refer you to someone who can.

You can also search online for ‘carer resources’ or ‘help for carers’ in your area. If you find it difficult to use a computer, don’t be afraid to ask someone with better computer skills to help you. You’ll probably come across charities or other organisations dedicated to providing help and support for carers.

These are usually goldmines of advice and information. They help carers like you all the time, so they can cut through the confusion and get right to it. A good place to start is Carers New Zealand – a national registered charity which provides information, advice, learning and support for families with health and disability needs.

Whatever you do, don’t soldier on thinking you can manage on your own, even if your health is suffering. If you hit a health or emotional crisis, the person you care for will lose their carer and you’ll need care too. Far better to ask for the help you need and are entitled to.